Nine Is A Nice Number!

Nine.

I like nine.

There were nine drummers drumming.

There are nine innings in a baseball game.

Chad is coming to visit me in nine days!

I like nine.
Shan

Good News!

Welcome Baby Zoey!

We are thrilled to announce the latest addition to our family. Chad's daughter Ashley has finally delivered her baby and here she is!

Zoey Elise Joyner - Born February 20, 2011

She really is gorgeous but then just about everyone is in Chad's family. lol We're both so happy for Ashley and her husband Jonathan and wish them so much luck with their new bundle of joy!


Other Good News - Immigration Front

No, still no news from the US Government but... While I am keeping this on the down-low as to not jinx it, we've been sent an Angel who answered our prayers! I do believe that I have found a Co-Sponsor *knock on wood*. It still seems to good to be true and pray to God everything works out but this is a huge relief for me. To that very special person (I'm leaving out names to respect that person because I don't know if they want it public lol) ... You know how much it means to me. Your friendship, your support, your faith... Thank You once again from the very bottom of my heart. You're truly a blessing.

I think that's all I've got for now!

Until Next Time,
Shan

Thinking Positive!

Tornado Of Thoughts!

I currently have a whirlwind of thoughts going through my mind. So many things to report and talk about but I don't know where to begin. Had you talked to me yesterday I would've been happy-go-lucky but today I'm feeling a little bit down. This roller coaster of emotions is sometimes too much to handle.

I've spent the morning working, thinking, contemplating and have come to the same decision I always come to. I am going to make the best of everything and do whatever it is I have to do to make my hopes and dreams come true. I can't let people get me down, I can't allow obstacles to take my eyes of the goal. All I want is a simple life with the man I love so dearly. I don't think that's too much to ask.

On That Note...


22 Days!

I get to hold the love of my life in my arms again. I can't even type that sentence without crying. I never, in a million years, could've imagined how insanely difficult this journey was going to be. It's truly a balancing act and even though financially this isn't a wise decision - my marriage, my sanity, my heart and soul... needs this visit. I miss Chad so much you wouldn't believe. And in just 22 days I get to see him again! Of course, it's only a weekend visit. He'll leave after work on Wednesday and return Sunday evening. But it's better than nothing. He sure as hell can't afford this time off, let alone more and I'm not willing to risk being denied entry into the USA - so it's our only option. It's going to be our last visit before I move down there so we need to make the most of it.

My hope now is that immigration goes smoothly. I'm nervous our application will get rejected/delayed or something else will go wrong but I need to think positive. If you've got positive vibes, please send them my way.

Immigration Update!

Not really much to report. We're still waiting! We did get notice that there's been some 'activity' on our file but we don't know what. It could be good, it could be bad, it could mean nothing at all. I'm still searching for a sponsor so continued good vibes are appreciated!

To those who read this - thanks for the support! It means a lot!

House For Sale

I've put my house up for sale! http://dartmouthhouse.webs.com/

I've had a few inquiries but it's been slow. It'll hit MLS in a couple weeks. Chad is going to help me fix some things up around here because I decided I am useless at home improvement. It's good to have a handy husband. Too bad he's a million miles away. But I'd definitely fly him up there than spend the money on some stranger to do the work. Besides, there's some other things that need fixin' that only a husband can do ;)

Valentine's Day Memories

I have always hated Valentine's. Not because I think there's anything 'wrong' with the holiday - just because I've always been single. Or, not important enough in a man's life to do anything special for me. Until this year! Chad hates this day. Seriously. He's the scrooge of Valentine's. But because he knew how much it meant to me, he went above and beyond to make me feel special and loved. Honestly, I spent the day crying. It meant so much to me...

So Chad - Thank you again... From the very bottom of my heart. I have never, in my life, felt so appreciated. I Love YOU so much. You make life worthwhile. I know lately the bumps in the road have been absolutely ridiculous. I wish there was more I could do to make things easier... but thank-you for being the man you are. For never giving up, for working your ass off to try and make a life for us together possible. I know it's not easy, God I know. But it will be worth it. If we both have to get a third job to make this work, we'll do it.

I Love You

His Love Letter

I had to save the best for last. That blue letter in the picture, is something Chad wrote for me. I've typed it up to share with you guys. I adore this man so much. His words fill my heart and soul...

"There were many times in my life where I have failed. Come up short, got distracted or lost my way. Took an easier path instead of a chance, or simply didn't finish what I had started.

There was a time, not so long ago, that YOU fell into that space, that void of wasted time, tears and years. I always wanted but never seemed to receive. I always wished but never truly believed.

My life was but a fool's prayer. I had a job, great kids but still an emptiness in my heart, my soul, my life.

I had all but given up on love, but yet something kept pushing me on, driving me toward a destination I knew nothing of.

As I sat here one night, listening to a voice, a familiar warm welcoming sound that laid upon my ears like the sweet notes from an angel's harp. It happened. That moment of clarity when I realized it was an angel... My angel. Right there waiting, watching, wanting, wishing, hoping, trying to believe. Happy - yet still empty. Just like me.

I knew then what it all meant and in that moment I stepped out of that past, took that chance - made that choice - even though I knew that road would take me up many mountains, that until now, I had simply avoided out of fear. The fear of falling failing, coming up short or just being too late.

But with a little help I found the courage to break free, to open the walls of my heart, releasing my soul, body and mind to allow acceptance into my world. That day, May 3, 2010, was the day YOU stepped from the past, separated yourself, became different. You became my future.

I am who I am because of my own choices. Now, I am who I am because of you. I AM COMPLETE."

Until Next Time,
Shan

House For Sale!

My House Is For Sale!

Eeeeeeeeeeek!
Eeeeeeeeeeek!
Eeeeeeeeeeek!
Eeeeeeeeeeek!





Check Out My Webpage: http://dartmouthhouse.webs.com


I still hope to list with my Realtor but there's been a delay for some reason - so I'm going this route for now. I am nervous to wait any longer to get it 'out there' but honestly - I don't know if I can do this alone. I've looked into the private sale route and while it's most definitely more affordable... It's almost too much for me too handle. Scratch Almost. IS. It IS too much.

It's bad enough I'm trying to sort through this immigration stuff alone (without a lawyer), I just don't know if I have the strength, patience or ability to do this part without professional assistance either. I'm stressed out enough as it is... hehe!

Anyways, if you know anyone in the market for new digs in the Dartmouth area - hit me up! Otherwise - wish me luck!

Until Next Time,
Shan

My How Things Change In A Year

I Took A Moment To Remember.

In the midst of contemplating the up-and-coming Valentine's Day, I took a moment to reflect on how I used to feel, which prompted me to return to my personal journal from a year ago.

I have seriously always hated this day. Not because it was consumer-driven or falsified the beauty of love. None of that. Because I was always lonely. There's a big difference between being alone and lonely. Charlie Major said it best, "I don't mind being alone, it's lonely I can't stand."

Last year I tried to take a positive stance but it's easy to tell by my words that it was all an act. A fabrication. An attempt to feel emotions I simply couldn't conjure. I thought I would share it with you - for those of you out there who know *me* and my life struggles, but also for those of you out there who feel today, the same way I did then. Maybe it will inspire hope. Maybe it won't. But consider this...

If love can happen for me, it can happen for anybody. Seriously.

Here It Is!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Life Is Perception

Tomorrow is the day I've been not-so-secretly dreading for the past couple of weeks. To be more accurate - for the past 20+ years. But you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to embrace it.

I'm going to welcome it. I might - even give it a hug! I'm going to focus on the love I DO have in my life, even if its in the form of friendships, virtual or otherwise. Because life is what you make it. I can allow my past or personal perception to unleash the flood gates and drown any chance at a smile, or I can accept life for what it has to offer me and be thankful for what I have.

A Closing Thought: I don't flaunt this publicly, but I am a bit of a romantic at heart. I don't believe in grand gestures but I enjoy being appreciated, loved and valued. I cherish sharing special moments with someone where the outside world doesn't interfere. I love inside jokes. I love discreet glances. Gentle touches. I love little tokens, actions and words that are meant especially for me. I love being loved.

Is it too much to ask, or to hope for? That someday, somehow, somewhere - a man WILL love me? The way I want to be loved. The kind of love where he'll stand on the roof top and shout it to world and then pull me close and whisper it in my ear? Please tell me that's not too much to ask.

Happy Valentines Kids,

Shan-Out.

"Love doesn't make the world go round.
It's what makes the ride worth while."
- Franklin P. Jones

The End.

Back to present day: I don't know if this Valentine's will live up to the hype or not. Chad's not really into the holiday and I'll be busy working an event at SingSnap during the evening - but if nothing else, at least I won't feel "lonely" right? Right.

Until Then,
Shan